the reluctant lobotomist (fourfreedoms) wrote,
the reluctant lobotomist
fourfreedoms

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Fic: Writing To Reach You

Title: Writing To Reach You
Author: fourfreedoms
Pairing: J2
Word Count: 1,509
Rating: R for language of a sexual nature
Summary: Jared and Jensen start communicating via e-mail back during Season One
Notes: This was written for wendy's prompt: j2, loveletters. Originally I intended this fic to be this grand old period thing with Jared off at war (bet you can't guess which) and Jensen waiting for him to return home, and maybe that'll get written someday, but in the mean time, it's a little silly. Thanks go out to katomyte who indirectly inspired me when we started pretending to be Sam and Dean writing hate mail to each other.


AUGUST 5TH, 2005 5:21:03
TO: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
FROM: Jensen.Ackles@gmail.com
SUBJECT: Seriously?

Dear Paladecki,

If you feel the need to borrow my script again, please try not to shit all over it.

Love,
Jensen


AUGUST 5Th, 2005 5:49:52
TO: Jensen.Ackles@gmail.com
FROM: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
SUBJECT: re: Seriously?

Asshole,

That was French roast.

Fondest Regards,
PaDAlecki


AUGUST 25, 2005 11:26:34
TO: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
FROM: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
SUBJECT: No, Just...No

Did I catch you reading...Twilight?. Sometimes, you are such a cunt it leaves me breathless.
Your pal,
Jensen

AUGUST 26, 2005 12:02:45 AM
TO: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
FROM: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
SUBJECT: Re: No, Just...No

Jensen,
Funny thing about that. I did it so you wouldn’t stand anywhere near me when the press came!
Love you dearly,
Jared


SEPTEMBER 15, 2005 8:05:29 AM
TO: erickripke@sbcglobal.net
FROM: mark.f.black@wbnetwork.com
SUBJECT: Some Considerations

Dear Eric Kripke,
Due to recent polling data, we have decided that the show will sell better if the actors [Padalecki and Ackles] appear to have a relationship of a romantic nature. As per clause 7A in their contract, please notify them at once that any time the camera is on them and they are inhabiting the guise of their own public persona, they are to behave in a suggestively intimate manner. Key phrases to certain expected questions are attached, please make sure the actors are apprised of them.

Best,
Mark Black
WB In-house PR
310-423-1125

Document Attached

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005 9:21:09 AM
TO: grandmasterjared@gmail.com, jensen.ackles@gmail.com
CC: robertsinger@earthlink.net, k.manners@yahoo.com
FROM: erickripke@sbcglobal.net
SUBJECT: fwd: Some Considerations

Hey,
Have you checked your e-mail yet? If you haven’t I suggest doing it while you’re by yourself.

Eric

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005 9:22:45 AM
TO: erickripke@sbcglobal.net
CC: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
FROM: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
SUBJECT: thought YOU should know I'm not gullible

Eric,
You funny funny man. I bow down before your comic genius. You had me going for about five minutes, but then I read the key phrases—“Both from Texas, so we get along real well?” Yes, that’s right, I’m from Texas, along with 21 million other people. I connect on a deep and personal level with every one of them. Further, I wish to have gay sex with them, even the ones that are women.

I’ll get you next time,
Jensen

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005 9:37:18 AM
TO: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
FROM: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
SUBJECT: Nope, just thick as a brick

Dear Asshole,
Since the signature at the bottom of the attached e-mail might have escaped your notice—what with you being nearly blind and all—they’re completely serious.

Jared

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005 9:59:02 AM
TO: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
FROM: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
SUBJECT: fuck off.

WHAT?

I can’t fake a relationship with you. I’m not Jake Gyllenhaal. YOU SHAT ON MY SCRIPT!

SEPTEMBER 15, 2005 12:07:58
TO: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
FROM: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
SUBJECT: re: fuck off

Look, I read up on clause 7a, and you’re just going to have to bite the bullet, okay? It’s just some key phrases and a few hugs. If you can’t handle that, well, we all know you got second billing for a reason.

Jared

SEPTEMBER 29, 2005 2:12:31 AM
TO: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
FROM: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
SUBJECT: MOLESTATION

Motherfucker!
A few hugs, you said! Do you speak some ancient vernacular of English where hug means HUMPING MY LEG? As it is literally impossible for me to take a restraining order out on you for various reasons, like keeping myself in food and shelter, I swear to Christ, I will rip your nuts off and feed them to your dogs if you do that again.

SEPTEMBER 29, 2005 7:12:31 AM
TO: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
FROM: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
SUBJECT: you're a wuss...

I can’t help it that one of the directives they sent to me said I was to act like I didn’t understand personal space. I was going method, okay?

Jared

ps

read it and weep, bitch
The internet thinks you’re a total cockslut.

SEPTEMBER 30, 2005 5:42:29
TO: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
FROM: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
SUBJECT: And you're retarded...

Please,
Better a cockslut than the farcical moron they’ve written you as. Fangirls at large credit me with intelligence.


OCTOBER 1, 2005 8:11:03 AM
Dude,
Don’t kid yourself or anything. I saw that dictionary comment you made. I’m pretty sure even the fangirls had a hard time trying to explain that one. Although I have been amusing myself greatly coming up with explanations. Were you jacked on Peyote? Did you develop nominal aphasia and your brain spat out dictionary when it meant life college? Was it a codeword to alert the aliens to take you back to Mars? Enquiring minds want to know.


OCTOBER 25, 2005 9:43:28
TO: all
FROM: erickripke@sbcglobal.net
SUBJECT: A Warning

To All Cast and Crew,

In light of the recent disasters on set, the network is holding our budget as well as confirmation of a second season over our head like a fucking sword of Damocles. Please remember to conduct yourself in a respectful manner, or there will be serious consequences that I don’t think any of us have fully considered.

Eric

Damn it, Jensen, did you have to break Jared’s hand? The cover story the network has sent us is that Jared got it protecting you in a bar fight.

OCTOBER 25, 2005 10:13:07
TO: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
FROM: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
SUBJECT: Apologies

I am kind of sorry about your hand. Buy you a beer sometime? Mike and Tom can tag along to make sure we don’t kill each other?


OCTOBER 29, 2005 1:08:59 AM
TO: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
FROM: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
SUBJECT: Yo

Jensen,
I couldn’t help noticing when you went to pay the bar tab that you have a membership to the same gym I belong to. Random, I’ve never seen you there.

Jared

OCTOBER 30, 2005 12:38:47
TO: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
FROM: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
SUBJECT: re: Yo

Christ,
Don’t remind me, there’s that love scene coming up. I’m going to have to start working out like crazy, but I can never drag my ass out of bed in the mornings.

OCTOBER 30, 2005 3:52:19
TO: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
FROM: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
SUBJECT: re: re: yo

Dude,
I’m not sure you’ll want it, but if you want to go to the gym, I’ll make sure you get to the gym.

JANUARY 5, 2006 8:05:41 AM
TO: jensen.ackles@gmail.com, grandmasterjared@gmail.com
FROM: erickripke@sbcglobal.net
SUBJECT: I know this is ridiculous, but

Guys,
The latest from the suits is that they would like 15% of the outtakes on the gag reel "to be qualified with a nature of subtext." For future reference, instead of stumbling over your lines, Jared, maybe just stick your tongue in Jensen's ear.

Eric

MARCH 22, 2006 9:26:13 AM
TO: jensen.ackles@gmail.com, grandmasterjared@gmail.com
FROM: cynthia.stephenson@wbnetwork.com
SUBJECT: Congratulations and Thank You

Dear Mr. Ackles and Mr. Padalecki,
We were delighted by your performance at the Paley festival. The ratings have recently undergone a mid-season hike. The girlfriend was a nice touch, Padalecki. Please give us Ms. McCoy’s invoice so that we can assure she gets compensated.

All the best,
Cynthia
VP Marketing
310-978-6534

MARCH 22, 2006 3:17:06
TO: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
FROM: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
SUBJECT: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

That is classic! They think Sandy is your beard.
Tough break, young padawan.

MARCH 22, 2006 12:07:53 AM
TO: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
FROM: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
SUBJECT: Why you gotta be like that?

Jensen,
Don’t even. That was the biggest fight we’ve had on record. Bigger than the time you crashed and she came to surprise me! Bigger than the time I ordered her that French Maid outfit and she went all psycho and women’s lit on me! I feel like repeatedly smashing my head against a brick wall would come with less agony.

I’ll see you tomorrow, hopefully.

Jared

JULY 07, 2006 9:08:57
TO: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
FROM: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
SUBJECT: Hey

Hey are you back in HELL-A? This great place just opened up, and it’s wasted on Chris and Steve who smoke enough weed to think that McDonald’s is haute-cuisine. It’s cool if you're busy or whatever, but the steak is to die for.

Call me.

JULY 07, 2006 10:54:39
TO: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
FROM: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
SUBJECT: sounds awesome

Jensen,
Promising me cow will get you everywhere. I’ve heard about that place, Chad says it has excellent Sangria. I have to go to this crazy lunch on Thursday, so are you up for a late dinner? Like 9:00-ish? We can get shit-faced and split a cab.

See you then,
Jared

JULY 09, 2006 5:24:08
TO: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
FROM: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
SUBJECT: back home finally, fuck traffic, fuck it hard

Thanks again for letting me crash. I’ll even forgive you for waking me up at the asscrack of dawn to go running. Although I swear I was still drunk, man.

JULY 10, 2006 1:04:17 AM
TO: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
FROM: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
Subject: don't rape traffic! that'll make it worse!

No big, couldn’t let the cab driver pimp your fine ass out while you were too blitzed to notice. But Jensen, that was not drunk, that was just you before noon. Coordination and awareness just seems to fail you. Anyway, I won’t see you for awhile, so you know—call me sometime?


SEPTEMBER 04, 2006 2:03:56
TO: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
FROM: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
SUBJECT: OH GOD, MY EYES!

Jared,
I’m really sorry about walking in on you and Sandy in your trailer like that. This is the only apology you’re going to get, so use it well.

Btw you two are kinky as hell, man.

SEPTEMBER 10, 2006 8:37:09
TO: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
FROM: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
SUBJECT: What's up with you, huh?

Jensen,
Are you all right? You’ve been acting totally crazy for a week now, and I thought you were just PMSing at first, but this is getting a little out of control. I mean, are we cool? I didn’t do anything to upset you did I? This is not about the whole thing with Sandy?

Jared

SEPTEMBER 15, 2006 8:41:04
TO: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
FROM: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
SUBJECT: FYI

We are not going to talk about this.

SEPTEMBER 15, 2006 8:43:04
TO: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
FROM: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
SUBJECT: don't be a pussy

Yes we are, assface,
It happened, it’s time to own up to it. I refuse to let this be how it ends.

SEPTEMBER 15, 2006 8:47:28
TO: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
FROM: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
SUBECT: this is self-preservation, jackwad!

Listen, I’m very serious about this. I DO NOT want to talk about this. There are all sorts of reasons we should not talk about this. Let us just call the talking chapter closed.

SEPTEMBER 16, 2006 12:39:41 AM
TO: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
FROM: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
SUBJECT: God, so hot.

I can’t help thinking about you, lying on my bed, your dick so hard on your belly, while I fucked you open with my fingers.

Close the talking chapter? Mr. Ackles, I’m just getting started.

SEPTEMBER 16, 2006 1:01:26 AM
TO: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
FROM: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
SUBJECT: Don't...

Jared…

SEPTEMBER 16, 2006 1:02:38 AM
TO: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
FROM: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
SUBJECT: I can't not.

Do you even know what you do to me? I’ve been jerking off everyday after we leave set, remembering the way your eyes looked and the sounds you made when I finally pushed into you.

Jared

SEPTEMBER 16, 2006 1:05:17 AM
TO: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
FROM: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
SUBJECT: Jesus.

Fuck it. Come over.

SEPTEMBER 17, 2006 7:09:21
TO: jensen.ackles@gmail.com
FROM: grandmasterjared@gmail.com
SUBJECT: Still thinking about it

Jensen,
I plan to tell everybody the internet was right.
Love,
Jared

OCTOBER 5, 2006 8:49:34 AM
TO: grandmasterjared@gmail.com, jensen.ackles@gmail.com
FROM: Marc.Black@NewCW.com
SUBJECT: concerns

Dear Mr. Ackles and Mr. Padalecki,
While we are happy to hear that you are taking our instructions seriously, we think you might have taken them too seriously. We're glad that you have found happiness with each other. Congratulations. However, we would very much like to impress upon you that this cannot become public. If any whisper that you two are taking part in illicit homosexual activities appears in the press it could ruin the chances of renewal for a third season. If you will look in your contracts under clause 13C, you are legally gagged until Supernatural runs its course or network policy undergoes change. We advise that all public outings take place in a city where Perez Hilton is not.

Mr. Padalecki, we also think it best if you consider hiring Ms. McCoy a second time for publicity appearances until the network deems she is not needed.

Best,

Best,
Mark Black
CW In-house PR
310-423-1125

----
Tags: fic, jared/jensen, prompt fest
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