the reluctant lobotomist (fourfreedoms) wrote,
the reluctant lobotomist
fourfreedoms

Don't really feel right

[ mood | empty ]
[ music | Somewhere a Clock is Ticking-Snow Patrol ]

I just watched the movie Girl, which I'm sure was intended to be a feel good movie, but I felt like a hole had opened up in me and all these worries began to seep in. I don't even know what I have to be worried about anymore. I guess I hate the fact that so much is out of my hands. Control has always been something I prize.

I feel like I could throw up.

There are no words left anymore. I've been trying to write, but the things that appear on the page are never right. Everything's come to a standstill, and I feel like I have to push myself to be special. I wish, for once, that didn't matter so much to me. I wish I could just let myself blend. But I've never been able to just be okay being part of the crowd. I think it's a skill I should've learned.

to whom it may concern . . .well the cards are out on the table now, I just hope they'll prove to be good ones.

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