the reluctant lobotomist (fourfreedoms) wrote,
the reluctant lobotomist
fourfreedoms

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The long awaited part 2--enjoy?

Title: Caught in a Spin
Disclaimer: Jared and Jensen are completely original characters. Any resemblance to persons alive or dead was unintentional. *cough* Ahem, right.
Summary: Jared and Jensen are best friends in high school fighting feelings for each other, school work, team sports, and most of all the required ballroom dancing unit.
Pairing: J2
Chapters: 2/2
Genre: High School!AU
Rating: NC-17/hard R
Acknowledgements: Thanks go out to cerberos, mytigerhobbes, Misha, and Kaley for hand holding, brain storming, and beta work.
Notes: Title taken from an Andy Bell song of the same name.

Part 1



“Jared, I can’t do this anymore.”

Jared’s mouth opened, but no sound came out. His heart was going to pop and he dug deep grooves in the heels of his palms with his nails.

“I can’t keep pretending, and you aren’t being honest and it’s fucking killing me—” Jensen was still talking. Jared was only listening in bated silence, waiting for the part where Jensen said fuck you, fairy.

“I know you’re gay.”

And there it was, out on the table. Fuck. How should he respond? Jared stared pointedly at the woods through the windshield. Jensen's gaze on him was heavy. There had to be a way to laugh this off.

“Jared,” Jensen prodded gently.

“What are you gonna do about it?” Jared replied quietly, hoping the answer wasn’t ‘hog tie you to the bumper and go off-roading.’

Jensen furrowed his brow. “What do you mean, what am I going to do about it? Nothing. Jared—I, you know its okay right?”

He breathed out, eyes prickling with unshed tears. The bite of pain in his palms reminding him this was real, he was awake. Jared looked at Jensen, teeth sunk into his lower lip.

“It’s okay that you uh…like boys.” Jared could see Jensen’s blush even in the dark and the awkward hand motion he made trying to convey his point. “I just didn’t want that to hang there between us for ever--you never saying anything, when it's like...a part of you...or whatever...”

“Jensen, did Mr. H give you supplemental reading in AP psych?” Jared asked, his voice shook.

“Fuck you, man,” Jensen shot back. “I’m trying to be all understandin’ and shit, but no, you ain’t having it.”

Jared laughed, a tint of hysteria around the edges. He swallowed. “You know I still have a dick, right? I didn’t suddenly lose it because I like boys.”

Jensen arched a brow. “I’ve seen it, stud!”

Jared blushed crimson and put his hand over his eyes. “Oh god, why me?”

“I dunno, honey!” Jensen reached over and pinched his cheek. “I was waiting for you to be ready, but hell, Jared, you’re a stubborn motherfucker.”

“You did not just equate my coming out with your sexual experiences!” he shouted. He reached over the gearshift and punched Jensen's shoulder. Jensen's teeth flashed in the dark and Jared slumped down in his seet, arms crossed. “You're the worst. The absolute worst.”

“No you don’t, I wear Eternity for men.” Jensen crowed. “And how did you know that by the way.”

Jared shrugged. “How did you know?” He turned it around on Jensen.

“Dude, credit me with a little intelligence.” Jensen glared at Jared. “I’m your best friend, you practically live with me. I was bound to notice sooner or later that Paris Hilton and tits just weren’t doing it for you.”

Jared looked away. “You don't--you never--I couldn't--”

"I do have to tell you, it would be a lot fucking easier if you liked girls." Jensen’s fist knocked his shoulder.

Jared sighed. "Do you know how much I would, if I could?" He couldn't read the expression on Jensen's face.

Jensen shrugged and breathed deep. “Speaking of doing it for you, how are you enjoying this ballroom dancing unit?”

“Oh, shut the fuck up,” Jared groaned and thumped his head back against the headrest. “That’s what you were doing, when you brought up how hot ballroom dance was? Trying to get me to tell?”

“Hey, you’re the one who brought up the outfits.”

“Ackles, you suck.”

“I’m completely serious, who does do it for you? Tom?”

Jared choked on his own tongue. They could not have this conversation. This was Soviet air space in a cold war. It was a minefield in Cambodia. “Tom? I'm not a freshman girl!" He reached over and twisted the key in the ignition. "Take me back! I'm not talking to you anymore."

“All right, all right!” Jensen put the car in gear. “What about Easton?”

"Not saying anything, asshole!"

*

No better way to ruin a really nice Monday than the good old tango. He felt his mood plummet the minute he entered the room.

"Hey, grumpy," Jensen grabbed his face and smushed his cheeks in, laughing. “It’s not so bad, Jay.” Jensen leaned in to whisper, “Even if you can’t dance with Easton anymore, he's putting us back with the girls.”

Jared looked up and found Rosemary waiting across the room. She smiled and held her hands out when he caught her eye.

"I'm really sorry," he said when he walked over.

Rosemary shook her head. "I was dancing with Jill, and she's on the spirit squad, and thinks she should be on Dancing with the Stars." She caught Jared's hand and placed his arm around her waist. "You're fifty times better."

"If you say so."

A slow waltz started and she grinned up at him when they took a full revolution of the room without a mistake.

"Excellent!" Easton called, cueing up a fast paced salsa. Jared lead Rosemary through a series of whirls, dragging her thigh up to bracket his hip when they spun to a stop. Rosemary laughed, grinning up at him in wonder. Jensen caught his eye over her shoulder and gave him a thumbs up.

“If you could only see yourselves,” Easton said as the couples maneuvered around each other.

Easton asked Jared to stay at the end of class, he'd said goodbye to Rosemary and waited for Easton to finish packing up. Across the room, another instructor was shouting at Jensen to extend his arms properly next lesson. Jared laughed, at last payback. It was a mistake.

Jensen showed up at his side. Jared could see him plotting. Easton slung his bag over his shoulder and turned to face them.

"Hi, Jensen," Easton nodded at him. "Jared, I just wanted to tell you you've gotten a lot better."

Jared ducked his head. "Thanks."

“So, Easton, how’d you know you wanted to be a dancer?” Jensen asked, grinning at bit too wide.

Easton smiled and looked back and forth between the two boys. “I saw Dirty Dancing and ta-dah.”

Jared forced his mouth into a smile. “That’s great, Easton, well we’ve gotta go. Practice in an hour—”

Jensen talked right over him, refusing to budge when Jared tugged at him. “Jared’s thinking of taking extra lessons, you know?” Jared nearly died at the way Easton’s eyebrows raised.

*

“That was his horrid attempt of setting you up with Easton,” Sandy asked, mouth full of cotton candy, as they walked in the sunshine. It was the Senior Carnival to raise money for the prom.‘“Jared’s thinking of taking extra lessons?’ That’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard.”

Jared sighed as they stopped in front of the booth with basketball hoops. Jared accepted a ball from the guy at the booth and sunk three out of the four shots he was allowed, winning Sandy a very nice striped basketball. She looked at with a perplexed expression before chucking it over her shoulder.

“Hey!” Jared said, before she dragged him off to the whirligig.

“Seriously, boys are so stupid!” she huffed as she sat down beside Jared, pulling the metal bar across their laps.

“Hey!” Jared repeated.

“I mean he might as well have said, ‘Jared would like to learn how to have sex with you.’ That’s what he was implying anyways!”

Jared snorted. “Sandy, I know. I was there.”

Sandy ignored him. “I mean it’s great that he wants to get you laid and all that, but seriously?”

“Sandy!” Jared growled, looking suspiciously at the students sitting in their seats waiting for the ride to start. “Can we not do this here?”

“I—oh, don’t be such a baby!” she whacked his shoulder. It turned out the whirligig didn’t agree with Sandy so well after all the cotton candy, and when the ride came to a stop, Jared found himself patting Sandy’s back as she hurled startlingly pink vomit into the trashcan.

"Hey, Jared, I'll deal with her," Sophia said over his shoulder. Her junior EMT shirt looked like it was a size too small. Jared shrugged at her. "No, seriously, I can deal with Sandy, you go enjoy the Carnival. I think I see the guys over there." She pointed to the dunk tank.

"Thanks," he handed Sandy into her arms. "You're the best."

He caught up with Jensen, Tom, and Chris as they laughed and shoved at each other, waiting in line for another go at dunking Chad.

"Hey, man!" Jensen clapped him on the back. "I dunked Chad twice!"

Jared sighed. "He's going to bitch me out for that later!"

"Totally worth any suffering he might cause you!" Jensen grabbed his arm, and tossed his last two balls to Tom. “We’ve got to go in the Astrojump! Nobody’s in it right now. This might be the last chance we have for it all to ourselves.”

Jared glared, but allowed himself to be tugged off. “I haven’t forgiven you for that disaster with Easton.”

Jensen looked back at him with that familiar mischievous grin. “Oh come on, I was just trying to give you a push in the right direction.”

Jensen shoved him through the opening flap in the tent and then crawled in afterwards.

“Shyeah right,” Jared replied as he straightened to his full height inside the tent and bounced himself off a wall. Jensen laughed and leaped across the inflated plastic, careening around the little space. Jared smiled. When they were little he and Jen had had one at every single birthday party, and after all the party goers had left they’d crawl inside and eat leftover cake.

They bounced themselves silly, Jensen pirouetting around in a bad parody of the Salsa they had learned in class. He did have to admit that Jensen did have the hips for it, although he wasn’t going to win any awards if he kept laughing like that.

Jared shook his head and knocked his shoulder into Jen’s. “You look ridiculous.”

“Not man enough for the ballroom, Jared?” He bounded over to Jared, stumbling against him.

“That's the best you can do after all this time?” And then he pounced on Jensen and they bounced off the walls and the ground. They wrestled and laughed and tried to get a good grip on each other, only to fall and have to start all over again. Jared was kind of amazed they didn’t break or pop the Astrojump with all their rolling around. Jensen finally collapsed on the plastic, bringing Jared down on top of him with a hand tangled in Jared’s button-down.

They shook with breathless laughter, all Jared could think of was how retarded the world must think them. But he was okay with that. With the sun and the breeze and the quiet vibrating sound of the Astrojump, Jared felt like he could remain that way forever, listening to Jensen’s heartbeat.

*

He was shooting hoops in his backyard, skin itching with sweat. He'd dispensed with his shirt a while ago. His momma thought he was crazy for being out in the heat, but sometimes, dribbling the ball was the only way to get his mind to be silent. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Jensen since the Astrojump.

They’d been in there until the next group came to kick them out. Rochelle and her friends had eyed them curiously as they crawled out of the tent.

She’d said something to Jensen about getting high that weekend and he’d made a non-committal noise before moving off with Jared, shoulders brushing and eyes squinting against the sunshine.

Jared had to fight against his mouth to keep from spilling out, “I love you.”

And Jensen had looked over like he knew what was going through Jared’s head, a smile pulling at his lips and his eyes warm. Jared had to look away, make some noise about needing a lemonade, and then ran off in the opposite direction.

He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Jensen since. He’d been really good before at clamping down on all those unwanted thoughts and now they were running wild.

“If you keep frowning like that, your face will get stuck.” Jensen surprised him. He shanked the shot and then turned around, throwing his hands up. Jensen was poking his head out the sliding door.

“What are you doing here?” Jared asked, bending to pick up the ball.

“Wanted to see if you were going to Rochelle’s party and you weren’t answering your phone," Jensen answered, leaning against the door easily, looking cool as a cucumber despite the temperature.

“How’d you know I’d be home?” Jared asked as he tossed a shot off, almost as an afterthought, and watched it sink through the net.

Jensen laughed. “You’re such a homebody, Jared.”

Jared passed the ball to Jensen hard, but couldn’t help smiling. “Jackass!” Jensen went in for the lay-up, and Jared snorted as it bounced off the backboard uselessly. He recovered the ball from his mother’s dying daffodil patch and then dribbled it between his legs absently.

“Yeah, yeah, quiet you!” Jensen replied dryly and then shot Jared a pointed look. “Remind me why you haven’t gotten laid yet?”

“Huh?” Jared replied, brushing his hair out of his eyes.

Jensen shrugged. “Looking like that, a concern friend starts to think maybe you don’t wanna get laid.”

Jared looked down at himself and fought the urge to cover up. It’s not like he was anything special, he certainly didn’t have as much muscle as Jensen. "Why? Interested?" he spit out.

Jensen raised his hands, but his expression was more than apologetic, it was something else entirely. “Hey, calm down--I'm just--I don't want you to be alone."

Jared cuffed him. “You're a fucking yenta!”

Jensen gave him the finger and retreated back into the cool dark depths of the house. Jared put up one last shot, a sweet three pointer that swished through the net.

"Jared, come on!" Jensen called and Jared set the ball aside and went in. There wasn’t any way he was going to let Jensen go to Rochelle’s party without him. Jared might’ve had no chance, but he didn't want Jensen getting high as a kite and then making a fool of himself either.

“Yo, go clean up.” Jensen planted his palm in the middle of Jared’s back and shoved him towards the stairs.

“And leave you alone in here?” Jared mocked, breaking off to the kitchen to get some water.

Jensen shouted after him. “I promise not to break your mother’s crystal figurine collection.”

Jared took a big gulp and then walked back out to the living room. “Go wait in my bedroom or something.”

“Ooh, I can go looking for your porn collection.”

Jared coughed. “I don’t think you’ll enjoy it much.”

He really tried to keep his mind off of Jensen when he jerked off in the shower. But the images swam before his eyes anyway. He saw himself pushing Jen back into the tile, following the path of a water droplet from Jensen’s jaw. He saw Jensen’s mouth curve into a blissed out smile as he said Jared’s name. He came in short powerful bursts only seconds later.

*

The party was in full swing, drunken teenagers grinding against each other and consuming too much alcohol, all trying to get off. Jared didn’t like it. Too many people, too many girls throwing themselves at Jensen, too many guys comparing notes on who they’d fucked and then looking at Jared strangely when he didn’t have any to match up. It made him feel uncomfortable in his skin, too big maybe. He’d feel better Tangoing on a well-lit ballroom floor, dancing the girl part, with Easton, than going to parties.

"Okay, Wallflower, you can't mope the whole night," Jensen collapsed against his side, exerting whatever bodily control remained and thrust him out into the backyard. He shoved him on to the porch swing before diving on to it himself.

“I am—oh fuck—I am drunk.” He draped himself across Jared’s lap.

Jared didn’t say anything, but he was sure his expression was answer enough. “You’re pathetic,” he said after a moment, trying not to shift underneath the head in his lap.

“Says the man who refuses to drink since Kristin’s party last year!” Jensen retorted, eyes glassy and expression far too bright for Jared’s dark mood.

Jared made a derisive noise. “That was all about Mikey, not the beer!”

Jensen cracked up, nuzzling his face into Jared’s stomach. Jared shifted, uncomfortable. The last thing he needed was to get a hard on with a lap full of Jensen's face.

When he looked down again, Jensen was looking up at him, his eyes brilliant and earnest.

“Ackles?” he asked, wondering what was going through his head.

Jensen’s voice was soft. “What’s it like to kiss a guy?”

“I—uh—” Jared started lamely. Jensen shifted in his lap, digging his elbows in to push himself into a sitting position. Jared hissed. Before he could ask Jensen to mind the goods, Jensen was reaching up and drawing his head down, pressing their mouths together sloppily.

Jared jerked and inhaled sharply. Jensen moved in his lap, tongue seeking entrance into his mouth and Jared shouldn’t let him. His friend was drunk and probably fucking around on some dare, but…

…but it was good, Jensen tasted of Mike’s Hard lemonade and vodka. His fingers pressed hard into Jared's scalp. He didn’t know what to do with his hands. Jensen was making out with him on a porch swing and he had no clue what was going on.

"Kiss me, asshole," Jensen whispered against his mouth. Jared's eyes dropped closed, and he tilted his head just right.

“Mmm.” Jensen wrenched his mouth away and flopped back in Jared’s arms. “So good.”

And then he was out. Completely gone.

*

Jared and Jensen weren’t speaking come Monday. Jared didn’t even pretend surprise. Tom nearly spat his milk out when Jensen bypassed their table at lunch and went to sit with Chris’s group of friends.

“What’s up?”

Jared shooked his head "It's nothing.”

Tom raised his brows, but didn't press.

It became pretty rapidly clear though that Jensen was going to avoid him like the plague. Like that would make the fact that Jensen kissed him first go away. And Jensen had kissed him, really kissed him. Once upon a time Jared would’ve been over the moon about that, now he just wished Jensen had kept his hands and mouth to himself.

The only class they had together was PE, which was lucky, because Jensen's gaze on his back was a honed weapon.

Easton appeared at his side. "Are you and Jensen all right?"

Jared made a noise in the back of his throat, annoyed. "It's fine!"

Easton pursed his lips and left him for the stereo. Tom tried shuttling back and forth between the two of them, but eventually just gave up and went to talk to the guys in his econ class.

"Stop being a pussy, and talk to him!" he said before he left.

"I didn't start this!"

Tom rolled his eyes at him. Jared turned and smiled weakly at Rosemary and concentrated on the routine.

"Are you and Jensen all right?" she asked.

"Shit! Yes! Don't worry about it, Okay?"

She ducked her head and threw herself into the routine.

*

Chad showed up unannounced at his house and found him in his room staring at the wall blankly. He’d finished his homework for calculus hours ago and hadn’t been able to summon up the energy or the interest to do anything else.

“What happened?” he asked, sitting in Jared's desk chair and spinning.

Jared shrugged and flopped back on his bed. “Nothing.” He never wanted to get out of bed again.

“Jared, you wouldn't get divorced from that bubblehead for nothing!” he sighed, frustrated, reaching out with a foot to kick Jared's leg.

“Chad…” he huffed out a breath. “Don’t.”

He frowned, but didn’t continue the thought. They sat in uncomfortable silence until Chad cleared his throat. “Y’know, maybe he likes dick too.”

Jared sat bolt upright. “What?”

“Well, I mean, nobody around here has brilliant gaydar, except for yours truly, and I called that asshole college guy that Sophia was sniffing around,” he spoke really fast. “But, anyway, every time Jensen gets wasted he starts coming on to you. Like seriously coming on to you.”

“That’s just what he's like!” Jared protested. “Look at Mike and Tom.”

“Mike and Tom belong in the S&M handbook, not a good example,” he shot back with a laugh. “Sometimes when I see you and Jensen, I just expect you guys to start randomly sucking face.”

Jared made a face, and rolled over towards the wall. Would that it were so.

“God in heaven!” he shouted and kicked at Jared's leg again. “You kissed him!”

He corrected him, “He kissed me…”

Chad blinked at him. “And you’re protesting his faggotry?”

Jared fumbled for the words to explain himself. “Well, I thought maybe…I just needed…somebody to agree with me?”

“Why do I waste my time with you?” Chad said, rolling his eyes at the ceiling. “My genius is clearly wasted.”

Jared snorted. "Oh yes, genius."

“Jared, why haven’t you hit that?” Chad glared at him and moved to kick him a third time. Jared only just dodged.

“Look at how he’s acting, Chad! I’m practically dead to him.” He sighed desolately. “It doesn’t even matter if he’s gay or not, I just want my best friend back.”

Chad, displaying perhaps the most social intelligence he ever would, said, “You can’t go back, Jared.”

He looked down at his hands. “I know.”

*

Jared waited in the dance room along with all the other students. The dancers were late to the last class and it just gave Jared and Jensen more time to glare at each other on either side of Tom. Tom was done ignoring it.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he whispered furiously. “You're making it really difficult to be around either of you, selfish bastards. Unless Jared fucked your mom, Jensen--" He turned to Jared. "You didn't fuck his mom, right?”

Jensen snorted on one side of Tom.

Tom growled. “If you snort at me one more time, I'm going to deck you!"

“Leave it, Tom,” Jared replied, voice cold. “Jensen’s just a coward.”

Tom bit his lip and looked ready to high-tail it away.

Jensen leaned forward to look around Tom. “Fuck you, I didn’t—”

Jared laughed harshly. “You didn’t what? Because from where I’m standing I’m pretty sure you did!”

Tom backed away from them to give them their space. A futile gesture as Jensen’s voice escalated as he spoke, “I didn’t do anything, asshole!”

“Oh sure, so it’s okay as long as it’s not you!” Jared shoved Jensen’s shoulder. “You’re a fucking hypocrite!”

Jensen jumped on him and they fell back on a pile of discarded mats. The girls in the room shrieked and Tom tried to pull them apart, but got an elbow to the gut for his pains.

They'd roughhoused for years, but never like this, with the very real intention to hurt. They didn’t separate until Easton’s voice thundered through the room. “Stop that right now!” he called.

Jared shoved Jensen off of him and accepted Tom’s hand to get to his feet. His cheek throbbed.

Easton huffed out an annoyed breath. “I think that you’d make charming partners for our last session.”

They looked at each other, unable to believe their ears.

Easton turned away from them. “Everybody, places please!”

“You’re dancing the girl part!” Jared snarled at Jensen.

Jensen bared his teeth. “You dance it, fuckwad!”

Jared smirked. “I’m taller.”

The music started and Jensen stood apart, body trembling with restrained anger.

"Get on with it!" Easton shouted.

Jensen made a disgusted face and held out his arms. Jared slid his arms around Jensen's waist, arms brittle.

"One...two...three..." Jensen counted absently, breath fanning across Jared's throat. They stepped towards the door with the first downbeat, hips cocking out and then back in again.

“What happened to ‘it’s okay if you’re gay,’” Jared sneered under his breath. He spun Jensen around and then pulled him back against him, so that they were pressed together back to front. He thought, for one small second, that he could hear Jensen's breath hitch--that he felt it against his ribcage.

“Shut up!” Jensen stepped back hard, trying to stamp on Jared’s foot. Jared moved out of the way, letting go of one of Jensen’s hands and spinning him back out for the flash. They came back together, cross stepping.

“I’m not gay!” Jensen whispered vehemently as they swirled around the floor, Jared dipping Jensen and then pulling back up for another turn and flash.

Jared raised a skeptical brow. “I guess it was my presence making you gay then!”

They went through a series of back-breaks, the lift, and then the basic footwork again. “I never said that!”

“Actions speak louder than words!” Jared bit out as he slid his hand down the outside of Jensen’s thigh, to tug his knee upward. Jensen's grip was tight on his shoulder. He would have bruises tomorrow. He stepped backwards, pulling Jensen into a lunge. They were locked, body to body--lips inches apart.

Jared quickly dropped the knee he had hooked over his hip, swallowing hollowly. When Jensen turned in the circle of his arms, his eyelashes dragged against his throat. He felt the muscles of Jensen's forearm shift and bunch in his grip--the only part of him that had not relaxed into the dance. Jensen had his back to him, guiding them one set of steps forward, and then another step back.

He was so angry. He would fly apart. His nerves jangled, dull rage lighting everything up. But it yielded to the fury of his arousal. He was so lost. It would be so easy to skate his lips down the exposed bow of Jensen's neck, to run his palms away from their proprietary place on Jensen's waist.

“I’m just…I can’t deal with it.” Jensen finally said plaintively, breath coming sharp and fast. When Jensen turned back to him and their steps brought their hips together again, he felt the rigid length of Jensen's erection.

Jared let out a disgusted breath. Jensen's fingertips dug into his shirt, but the thumb of his other hand was stroking the back of Jared's, even as he refused to meet Jared's gaze. Don't touch me, Jared wanted to beg, I can't bear it. But Easton would only shout at them if they let go, so he had to. There was one more flash, a dip, and the routine ended, Jensen bent over Jared's arm and head arched back. Jared heaved him back up again when the last note sounded. They dropped their arms and sprang apart.

Jared shook his head and turned away. Jensen was too close, much too close. There was a foot of space between them, but Jared still felt like he could feel every contract and release of Jensen's muscles, the give of his body as Jared fed him cues for every step. The class was quiet, frozen.

Easton looked ready to laugh. “It appears that you two have a lot of chemistry.”

Jared huffed out a breath and Jensen spluttered.

"It was just like Strictly Ballroom," Rosemary whispered, when Easton called their attention back to the front of the room. "Except I had to wonder if you two were going to explode in psychotic rage."

Jared shot her a quelling look. The bell rang and the class filtered out through the doors. Rosemary quickly gathered up her bag, leaving only Jared and Jensen in the room.

“Jay, look—” Jensen started.

Jared swung his backpack up onto his shoulder. “I get it, you can’t deal with it. Fine.”

Jensen sighed. “Jay, I—”

“I don’t want to hear it. Just tell me, what do you see when you look in the mirror?”

Jensen furrowed his brows. “I don’t—”

Jared interrupted him again. “Because all I see is a coward.”

The other boy drew himself up, his green eyes blazing even brighter than they had earlier. “Oh yeah?”

“Mmhm,” Jared smiled without mirth. “You best admit you like boys. Maybe you like girls too, hell maybe you like sheep, but you sure as hell like boys. In fact, I think you like me.”

“I was drunk!”

Jared dropped his eyes to Jensen's crotch. Jensen stepped back as if physically struck.

“It’s okay, you know. I like you too,” Jared ignored him. “Or at least I did, until you turned into a jackass.”

Jared left the room before he did something stupid like break down in tears.

*

Jared went home, fixed himself a peanut butter and jelly, and stared at the hoop in his backyard through the sliding doors. He scooped up his ball, left carelessly in the mudroom, and headed outside.

He tried shooting from various points around the key they'd chalked into the concrete, but he kept missing them. The ball bounced hard off the backboard and rolled away from him.

"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" He kicked it, sending it skidding into his mother's roses."It shouldn't hurt like this."

When he sank to the ground, it was hot underneath his body, reflecting sunlight and throwing it back at him. He measured every breath. If he lay here long enough, maybe he'd sink into the ground.

"Jared! Get inside! You'll burn to a crisp," his mother called.

Jared waited one obstinate second and then pulled himself to his feet. "Coming."

*

Two weeks before prom Jensen showed up at his house. It was hot and muggy, the sky on the horizon threatened rain. Jared opened the door to find Jensen standing on his porch with his back turned and his hands stuck in the pockets of his shorts.

The dance unit had ended the day after their big performance for the whole class and Easton had spoken to them about tolerance and role reversals and a really great place to buy dancing shoes. But they hadn’t spoken to each other once.

Jared couldn’t even bring himself to be mad anymore. Too much energy.

“What do you want?” he croaked out, trying not to sound as sad and pathetic as he felt.

Jensen turned around and pushed him back against the door, mouth hot over his. Jared’s mouth opened in shock and his hands fluttered uselessly before he shoved Jensen away from him.

Jared hissed furiously, “Not in fucking public! Do you want to get the shit kicked out of us?”

Jensen tongued his lip and smiled. “Just had to make sure you didn't think I was toying with you.”

"You talk to Chad?"Jared looked up and down the block. “Look my parents are home, take me for a ride.”

Jensen winked at the innuendo and led Jared his car. Jensen opened his door for him and Jared swatted at him.

“I’m not a woman!”

Jensen snorted and got in on his own side. He started up the engine and the car radio blasted out the Gin Blossoms. Jared hadn't heard the band since the fourth grade. They drove for thirty minutes in awkward silence.

Jared kept attempting to say things like ‘what changed your mind’ or ‘I’m glad you’re here’ or ‘I really fucking missed you, asshole’, but they all turned to dust in his mouth. Jensen pulled up at the old ravine into the shade of freshly grown leaves.

“I—so—um, kiss me again?” Jared finally burst out.

Jensen sighed. “No, I gotta apologize first or like explain myself or some shit.”

He really didn't want to hear an explanation, but somehow his mouth disobeyed him. "All right."

“So, I knew you were gay since we were like fourteen, and I didn’t say anything because I always figured you would tell me, and then I finally got it out of you, and I started realizing that sometimes all I wanted to do was touch you, you know?”

Jared had noticed the touching.

Jensen sighed again and looked down at his palms. “So I thought, if I just got you with somebody else, I wouldn’t notice anymore, because it isn’t like this with anybody else, you know? I don’t wanna—like fuck Tom or anything.”

Jared laughed and Jensen glared at him.

“But then we were in the Astrojump having the biggest fucking chick moment—”

Jared pursed his lips to keep from smiling. Jensen looked so tortured.

“But I—I really liked it, and I want you to know, I still like girls—no, I love girls, Rochelle is like god’s gift to mankind—”

Jared cleared his throat. “You are not winning yourself any points.”

Jensen took a deep breath. “I’m just nervous.”

“Why? I’m a sure thing!” Jared joked.

Jensen looked over at him, his beautiful green eyes intense. “No you’re not, I would never take you for granted—”

“Okay, whoa, please let us not act out Jerry MacGuire.”

“Jay, I’m trying to tell my story here!”

Jared leaned over the gear shift and pressed his mouth to the tender spot just below Jensen’s jaw. “I bet you I can tell you exactly what happened.”

Jensen let out a breath and leaned into the touch, his hands clenching and unclenching.

“You kissed me, and you freaked out,” Jared went on, swiping a line down the column of Jensen’s throat with his tongue. “Your parents would never speak to you again if they thought you were fucking around with a boy.”

Jensen leaned back against the seat, his eyes drifting closed. “Yes.”

Jared smiled and then pushed Jensen’s shirt up with one hand, fingertips just skimming over his friend’s skin. “And so you thought, if you just kept away from me, because it’s not like you could ask me to stop being gay, but you didn’t realize that I liked you back—”

“Well it’s not like you were announcing it to the entire world,” Jensen protested.

Jared made a sound in the back of his throat and then kissed the corner of Jensen’s mouth. “Jensen, I’m sorry, but are you blind? Chad's known I was freakin' in love with you since the 8th grade. Chad!”

“Chad is...Chad is...okay no, I have no defense,” Jensen said, catching Jared’s mouth with his.

Jensen's tongue stabbed past his lips, and he lost himself for a moment, before remembering his purpose and pulling away. “So, the only thing I’m wondering is what made you change your mind?”

“Like you said, I talked to Chad.” Jensen reached over Jared’s lap to lower the seat back and Jared’s chairback collapsed under him. He flailed in surprise. Jensen took that moment to struggle over the gear shift, climbing into his lap and bending over to reunite their mouths. Jared breathed harshly and arched his hips up.

"This is awful," Jared said when his knee struck the door.

"Car sex," Jensen replied, "Teenage right of passage." He rocked back on his hips and Jared tensed beneath him. Jensen’s eyes went dark and he bit at his lips. “Oh yeah, I think we'll manage in the space.”

The afternoon sun filtered into the car making the tips of Jensen’s eyelashes glow and Jared reached up and drew his head down, nibbling on his lips. Jensen smiled into his mouth and leaned further into Jared, bracing his elbows on either side of his head.

There was no air to breath, and he felt beads of sweat rolling down Jensen’s spine. It shouldn’t be sexy, but the sheen of Jensen’s skin made his brain run on repeat like a broken record.

Jensen pressed an open mouthed kiss to his throat, followed a meandering line of his own devising all the way to place where Jared’s neck met his shoulder.

“I love your neck,” Jensen tugged Jared’s collar aside to bite along his clavicle. He paused when Jared rolled his hips up involuntarily, biting his lips. “I’d go to games and watch you gulping down gatoride, always the blue stuff, and I just wanted to lick it off you. That was sort of when I figured out that I was—I was—er something.”

Jared reached a tentative hand between their bodies, cupping Jensen through his khaki shorts. Jensen's muscles locked up tight and he made a small noise in the back of his throat. It was so humid and Jared’s cotton t-shirt stuck to his skin. He tried to kiss Jensen and pull it off at the same time, upsetting them both in the seat.

They shifted to get into a more comfortable position, and knocked into the car radio. The blast of Metallica’s “Fade to Black” startled them both.

"CHRIST!" Jensen cried, reaching awkwardly back to shut it off and missing the dial each time. He gave up when Jared fingers found their way down the back of his pants.

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters, no one else


“That’s kinda turning me on,” Jensen said, bending his head to lick at Jared's exposed nipple.

“You’re—so weird.” He palmed Jensen's ass and ground their bodies closer together. The sound wrenched out his friend’s throat made his stomach muscles tighten and the base of his spine tingle.

"Not the song, idiot--your hands--never expected to--" Jared shut him up with another kiss, but Jensen pulled away again. “This is kinda weird, there are no boobs—I am liking the fact that there are no boobs, huh.”

Jared huffed and flicked the radio off. He moved and his skin peeled away from the leather interior uncomfortably. He was about to ask Jensen not to talk about boobs anymore, but Jensen had started an unforgiving rocking rhythm on his crotch. Their hands tangled together and their mouths connected sloppily. More breathing each other's breath than kissing.

Jared learned the hollow of Jensen’s throat and the line of smooth skin down the center of his chest with delicate fingertips. He memorized the bone spur of Jensen’s shoulder and the contours on the inside of Jensen's arm with his tongue. The heat in the car was becoming unbearable, but Jensen reached between their bodies and yanked their zippers down, wrapping his hand around both their erections.

They knocked into the armrests and the dash, frantically struggling against each other. "Oh god," Jared whispered,. He bit at Jensen’s collarbone to shut himself up and watched as Jensen began to fray at the edges.

“God, Jared, need to get off…” Hips flexing and thigh muscles tightening with tension. "God, this is like...being back in middle school again."

"Slut," Jared replied without heat.

Jared had no clue what he was doing, he followed Jensen’s lead and he shifted again and reached down between them, hand joining Jensen’s. Jensen propped himself up with one arm to give him room to maneuver. He gripped awkwardly for a moment, although Jensen didn’t seem to mind, and then settled into a rhythm, callused fingers hesitating at the head of Jensen’s dick and then back down again. Jensen back bowed and he pressed his face into Jared’s neck, eyelashes whispering contact over his skin. Jared was going to associate that with sex forever.

Jared wanted to thrust a door open to get some air into his lungs, he wanted to taste the sweat running down Jensen’s neck, he wanted, he wanted, he wanted. It was a shock when his orgasm overtook him and he came with a surprised shout. Jensen laughed against his neck. It caught in his throat when his own orgasm hit him and he slumped bonelessly against Jared, regardless of the mess between them.

“Can I have this?” Jared asked when his heart started beating normally again.

Jensen stroked his clean hand down Jared’s arm and said, “What? My jizz all over you?”

“Ugh, gross, motherfucker!” He shoved Jensen's head with the heel of his hand.

Jensen made a displeased noise in the back of his throat and then looked at him seriously. “Yeah, you can.”

*

So I'm feelin' pretty seriously crappy here, right before finals week too, just my luck. But anyway, all your comments are love.

Now with a sequel and everything
Tags: caught in a spin, fanfiction, first time, j2, rps, slash
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