the reluctant lobotomist (fourfreedoms) wrote,
the reluctant lobotomist

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So I got my act together and wrote really intelligent meta...about porn

I'm one of those authors (maybe this is just low brow of me) who doesn't really consider her fic to be finished if there isn't sexing of some kind. That person who wrote the epic Jonny/Reed F4 slash and cut it off with cuddling on the couch? Hell, I felt cockblocked. I think the only exception to this rule I have (in my own fic) was Stopped at the Crossroads because if I put buttsex in there it would've RUINED it. Or--I don't know--been really stilted. Who would I have observe it? Grandma? Yeah that's a real turn on.

Anyway, considering that I find porn so *cough* crucial to my writing, I guess it's just odd that I struggle with it. I find myself trying to find meaning and getting all poetic, when that's not necessarily what I want to read in the porny interlude of a fic. You, flist, learn me how you do this hot porn thing. I can't figure it out. I can't stop myself from the analysis and the memories and the thought behind every touch. Oh lord, I might as well pack it in and start writing for Celine Dion.

I know what the problem is though. I want so desperately not to sound cliche. I don't want it to just be the whole "stick it in and ride 'em cowboy" thing. I could probably do that, er the closest I got to that was the "library porn" story. Leaving that aside, God knows none of us want to sound trite, but I feel that in fic there are a couple of paths writers traditionally take or--as someone I know would say--the "tropes" of Wincest sex.

I'm not even going to touch the whole Sam has a ginormous cock thing. We all know that's true. It's considered, what? Crackfic to write about him not weilding Excaliber-peen around Dean's poor ass. So, yes. Moving on.

1. Step One: one of us gets blown. Step Two: Dean will get plowed
A. Dean faces Sam during this fucking er great meeting of souls
B. Dean's face is mashed into the pillows while Sam expertly reams him

I'm always dubious of the blowjob thing, mostly because I hate blowjobs. Bleh. I'm not sure why Jensen is always such a whore for them or why he "just loves the taste of dick." Because this is the last thing that I have ever experienced. Mostly it's me thinking: "I will do this, because I'm nuts over you and the way you know all the words to Cyndi Lauper, and this is what you want."

And then ericaplease aptly pointed something out. There's a lot of Dean getting blown by wee Sam or not so wee Sam and it's his first time with a dick between his lips, and he sucks (no pun intended) at it horribly--can't get the suction right, isn't paying attention to the shaft, using teeth, whatever, and yet Dean STILL loves it because it's SAM. Bad orgasms are bad orgasms (don't get me started on my ex-boyfriend)! And I don't know, that creeps me out a little. I'm not even sure why. Where's the fic where he's doing it all wrong and Dean is like wincing and then talks him through it? How hot would that be? I'm sure one of you wonderful ladies have written it. If you have, you totally own.

So, blow job is over, and Sam is rarin' to go. Time to pound some Winchester Butt. We have prep, there is condom, and then Sam sticks it in. With version A there's lots of kissing and groaning and Dean's legs being hoisted around in particularly inventive ways. With version B there's lots of analysis of Sam's dick disappearing into Dean's ass and the "long curve of his spine" and etc. We have the reach around and then Dean comes first, followed by Sam.

Yeah, so I have no idea how to spice that up without them doing lewd acts in public or involving a suspension harness. balefully might suggest body paint of the edible variety. And it's true that the above is pretty all-encompassing of sex in fic. But where's the first-time fic where Dean/Sam makes Sam/Dean come just by fingering his prostate and jerking him off. I think tremblings reminded us that an ass is not a pussy in one of her fics (not sure why I brought that up, just go read it), and yeah foreplay can be cumbersome to write, but I miss it. Soon I'll be substituting our boys names over Nora Roberts' Novels and you don't want that!

2. One of us has done this before, and it ain't me

So then we get the Sam/Dean first time porn where one of them has done this before. Either Sam experimented in college or Dean has a shaky sexuality/is a complete slut. But it's rare where NEITHER of them has fucked around with boys or BOTH of them have. This is not to say I have not seen such stories. I don't buy the whole, I'm only gay for my brother thing, because whoa fucked up. Not only am I keeping it in the family, but I have never even looked at another man besides you? My sexual delopment is now tantamount to Freud and wouldn't he just love to analyze me and develop a new completely erroneous complex. Whatever, ignore me, it's not like porn really has to be plausible. I wrote them going at it on a rock on top of Blueberry Hill (yes, actual place), which probably would've been HELL in reality But in any event, I've heard this fandom really likes the whole fumbling "we don't know what we're doing" sex. Go forth and write some more of it if they're both new to male to male getting it on.

It's not just the idea of "one of us has done this before" that makes it so overused in fandom. There's the same set up to this event as well. If it's Sam who's done it before then he fucks Dean, and if it's Dean whose done it before then he gets fucked because he wants to spare Sam. I guess this may seem like a massive criticism of bottom!Dean which isn't true. I'm a firm believer in the notion that they switch off, because the Sam in my head is a total giver in sex and he can make it good for Dean when he is a bottom and because the Dean in my head just wants to have his dick in Sam's butt. Thus give and take. Maybe there could be a fic where one of them bottoms for the first time because they LOVE the other one, and they know it might not be all cookies and candy and sparkly new ray-bans for Dean to wear, but they do it anyway. And then the other brother makes it worth the first brother's while. Goodness, hope you didn't get lost in the hypothetical there.

It's just there are so many reasons to have sex (or to abstain) aside from the natural progression in a relationship (or the natural progression in a fic), and yeah, guys are pretty libidinous, but it's not like it doesn't have an impact on them either. I see a lot of fic where the boys are dancing in the sheets for comfort's sake, so that they can finally touch someone without bringing pain. These fics make me all warm and fuzzy. I also love fics where the boys can't seem to get enough of each other (see anything by poisontaster). But sometimes, possibly in the quest to validate my own eXtrmly mEanIngful fic sex, I want there to be eXtrmly mEanIngful motivations behind sex in fic too.

3. The green-eyed monster just took a chunk out of my shoulder when that girl patted your chest/ass/hand

Yay, jealousy fic. I love jealousy fic. Although there is a part of me that sometimes wonders if the brothers are beyond that. Like Sam knows whatever happens with Bar-Maid-A and Diner-Waitress-B and Random-daughter-of-Authority-Figure-that-Dean-will-get-into-trouble-with-C doesn't matter because Dean gave up his freakin' soul for him. I don't know. Call me a bad sibling. But my brothers aren't getting my soul. Hell no. Ahem, back to the jealousy.

So jealousy fic is wonderful, especially when there is teasing involved or possible REO Speedwagon. What I do not like is one of brother's getting carried away and doing all sorts of whacky kinky shit so that the other is aware of who they belong to. People are autonomous. Ownership should not be involved. Especially not for borderline-whacko brothers who are obviously fucking.

Women have worked so long to escape masculine domination and the concept of husbands "owning" their wives. Why on earth would we want to impress this upon men? I don't think there's anything romantic about it. To me it smacks of abuse ("you're mine, you can't leave, you better watch who you look at") and it frightens me a little. Now I'm not a very big D/s person, it's just not my cup of tea, and I don't know diddly about it aside from the whole Kushiel's Avatar series by Jacqueline A. Carey, and I'm not sure I would use her as my encyclopedia. But this is my very round-about way of saying I didn't think that sort of thing was about ownership either. Point being: can we maybe re-examine this whole "you're mine" deal, please? An aside, Evil!Sam always seems to be a combination of ownership and domination, maybe this is why it makes my heart hurt.

4. And dontcha know, our established relationship is bugging the hell out of this author/reader/whatever

Yeah, so I'm a total loser. I don't like established relationship in fics unless they're pwps, part of larger verses where we had a first time somewhere along the line, or like...crossovers. The question is why? Well, I shall tell you. I like love stories. We don't go watch romantic comedies where the couple has already been together for a bajillion years unless it's about something else, ie pregnancy like in Nine Months or Robin William's being a mad man in License to Wed (I had this misfortune of watching this on the plane, not even the fact that it was a plane that made lots of noise and I had absolutely nothing better to do could make this movie good).

I want to know how it was these brothers decided they were in love. Not just because they're brothers, although that certainly puts another variable in the equation, but also because I want to know what moment they looked at each other and felt that thing (and I'm not making a dirty euphemism). I want to read about their first kiss, or at least get the flashback to it. I want first-time sex whether it was perfect and contained or crazy and involved a park bench and the chance of joggers and families walking their dogs around coming up upon them. Basically, I want it all!

So I could go on about my fear of dildos and or battery-powered tools that occasionally find center stage in fic, but I'm sure I'd only wind up grossing you and myself out. I'm already getting all shivery and weepy. It's not my fault! I read the Darwin Awards! I know how these things go wrong. And finally, does it peeve anybody else when the boys say "Shit" during butt sex? Is it just me going *shudder* why?

Anyway, hit me up with discussion on any of this, I hope I didn't offend. I guess I just wanted to make it clear where I stood. You can totally tell me how I'm all wrong and should set my own hair on fire (granted it's not very long, so that might not achieve the effect you were looking for). Also, I apologize for my sudden preoccupation with parentheses. They are the new otp!

Next time: Lauren rants and reveals her total Sam!Girl tendencies while pointing out that if she is attracted to Jared/Sam, clearly Dean/Jensen does not get all the women. Why must authors say this in fic? This is how she proves that you should never listen to a word she says. Please to be calling either ericaplease or cerberos to be dragging her back into line

Basically this was all a way for me to procrastinate on writing that porny sequence I was hinting at. And possibly my Japanese homework. Actually me doing anything up to and including brushing my teeth is a way for me to procrastinate on my Japanese homework.
Tags: "tropes", meta, porn, sam/dean
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