the reluctant lobotomist (fourfreedoms) wrote,
the reluctant lobotomist

  • Mood:

I am feeling mildly hysterical, also I am wearing a dress.

Do you ever re-read your stories? Not because you want to fix it or something, but just to reassure yourself? I don't mean going into your--dare I call it bibliography? Yes, I believe I do--bibliography and going "Man, I am so freakin' brilliant, lookit how brilliant I am!" But rather, when you're in a jam, to remind yourself, that you can write? And furthermore that you can like what you write?

Because I do! There are a couple of fics I do this with actually, "What You Need To Get Through This", the sequel I wrote for "Close Call, Stand Tall" and the Vampire!Nate AU I wrote for mydocuments, "Fitting A Shape That Won't Hold". Right now, as I'm going through the beta of a story that I've been working on for almost two years I really need reminding.

The fic I posted yesterday was the first fic I've posted in nine months! NINE FUCKING MONTHS. Grah, where did it go? I do not suggest unemployment or New York winters to anybody struggling to write. It is extremely unhelpful. Actually, if you're like me, you probably need a high stress environment where people are demanding you do things you hate all the time. I think this means I should probably become an accountant or work in marketing for BP.

Yesterday regala_electra and I went to the fair and rode lots of rides, watched old-timey baseball, and pointedly did not jump off of anything. As far as plans go for a day, this probably makes little sense to you. But, as my plan for the next to months will be to not jump off things, or go front-facing up the stairs, or do sun-salutations, because I am suffering from a persistant torn hamstring, it was perfect.

Unfortunately, you never realize how much you want to jump off things, or do cartwheels, or try to touch your head to your right-knee until you can't! It begs the question, was I doing all of this and not noticing? Or do I simply want to do all these things because suddenly I'm not allowed?

Whatever. I'll just be sullen in the corner. Especially because summer is over and the tan I had on my legs has most unceremoniously disappeared. Nothing good can come of this. But you would be proud of me LJ, because, for the month of September? I purchased only one pair of shoes. And, instead of anesthetizing myself with more shoes, I simply bought sweaters and original pressing STILL IN THE PLASTIC of This Is Hardcore by Pulp. Nevermind the fact that I do not have a record player, I am trying to make myself feel better here.

This is a very longwinded way of saying, do you have any fics you use like that? And hey guys, what's happening in your lives and have you seen Drive yet? Because you really should.
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